I wish…
You showed that you loved me more often, and I don’t mean just buying me expensive things. I mean I want you to want to have a night alone with me, just you and me, no one else. I don’t care what we do, I just want to be alone with you for a day. I can’t even see you in person with out someone with us 24/7, over our shoulders watching what we are doing like we’re some side show. I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I can only stay strong for so long on my own. It’s going to take work; from you and me, and so far I feel like I’m the only one putting anything into this.
You’re wanting to start something that I don’t think you’re ready for; you say you’re ready, but I don’t think you really are. I don’t think you know what you’re jumping into. It’s not going to be easy. Nothing ever is.
You think it’s just a walk in the park for me, just because I’m home. It’s not. Half the time, I’d rather be anywhere but home. I know you’re going thru some tough times too, and I know it’s hard for you… but you seem like you don’t even want my help. I feel like you’ve pushed my help so far away that you don’t even know it’s there anymore.
I just need help. You say you’re always there for me, but everytime I really need you, and I mean I really really need you, you’re no where to be found. And that hurts me, because I don’t have anyone else to talk to. I just bottle it up inside, and I think my bottles about full. It’s going to overflow soon and you’re not going to be there to catch a drop of it. And that hurts me.
I don’t mean to sound stupid, or that I want just want to start a fight, or that I don’t concider what you’re going through cause I do. If I didn’t I would have said this a long time ago. Honestly, if I never considered you’re side, I would have never got back with you. But then again I love you too much to stay away from you, and that scares me. Why? Maybe it’s because if it ever comes to point when I should really leave, I don’t know if I ever could.
I’m not really sure how to sum this all up, except I’m coming to my breaking point, and I need help. I need help to push through this, and you’re the only person that can help me. I just wish you’d realize this, and help me soon before it may be too late. I don’t want to scare you, I just want to be honest with you. I held this in long enough.
I know you love me, I just want to see it more often, feel it more often.
